Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A tough re-entry to life as we know it…

Peace Lily


Someone posted a comment a few days ago on this blog asking me where I was. I’m sorry there hasn’t been much on here lately…

I admit, I’ve been a little absent. I probably have over 3,000 unread posts in my Google Reader. I’ve been a bit distracted.

Last Monday, my mother called me with the call I’ve dreaded since I knew what death was – my father passed away.

And at that point, the world was instantly changed. I still can’t quite believe that I got on a plane immediately and was home in just a few hours – to plan my father’s funeral with my whole family in Texas.

We held the wake on Friday and the funeral mass was said on Saturday. Even though I saw him in the casket and knew with my intellect that he left us and is now in Heaven with all of the other departed family, it is still hard to believe that he won’t pick up the phone and tell me that he had a great idea for Mom’s birthday present… or give me a hint on how to help get my husband through law school and business school… or tell me how smart he thought I was to be doing what I’m doing with my life and how proud he is of me, his eldest, his daughter.

My mom recently told me that she reads this blog now so I hope she’s not too beside herself with tears at this point, like I am. The emotion is still very raw and it was quite hard to get on that plane last night to come back to my husband.

This is my favorite photo of my Dad – he walked me down the aisle a little over three years ago. He was so happy that day knowing that I married the man of my dreams.

Dad and Jessica

He taught me how to hit a baseball, he taught me how to balance a checkbook, he taught me how to be a good person – because he knew how to do ALL of those things (and so many more) extremely well.

I know he was proud of me, I know that he loved me, and I know that he will forever be with me as I journey through life.


  1. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dad. I hope you know that all of us that read this are keeping you and your family in their thoughts and prayers. Take all the time you need and we will be here when you return. Sounds like your dad was a great man.

  2. I'm so, so sorry. I'll be praying for you and your family.

  3. Oh, Jessica. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I had a feeling something was wrong, you're such a consistent writer. I'm sitting here on my couch in my towel crying, and my husband's looking at me like I'm loony! Somewhere along the line blog friends become kind of like real friends, and I am hurting for you. Your dad looks so very proud to walk you down the aisle. I wish I had that with my dad. You are so fortunate to have had that, and I know how you value you it, it's evident. Anyway. This is getting rambly. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could bring you a casserole.

    Internet hugs.


  4. I was hesitant to post anything, but B, you know how I need to write about the things going on in my life. I actually told my mom about your comment a few days ago and really felt like I was telling her about a close friend, even though we've never met!

    More prayers can't hurt... I'll take all that I can!

  5. You have been on my mind also John and Jennifer's mind.

    Glad to know that you are back in St. Louis but was thinking how hard it would be for you to leave when your Grandmother told me when you were coming back.

    We are still in shock and as someone said take your time for what you need for you and for Mike.

    Since Jennifer lives several thousand miles away from MO I can imagine what you felt when you got that call and what she will feel like if she ever gets that call.

    Helen Finley

  6. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for peace that passes understanding for your family.

  7. I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through, your dad sounds like an amazing man and I am sure he is so proud of the woman you are!

    Praying for you and for your family.

  8. I read your blog all of the time, and I dont think that i have ever commented. But I want to tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of your father. I hope that you find peace soon. I will keep you in my prayers.


  9. @Courtnie - thank you for your comment! I'm so happy to meet new blog friends. I surely appreciate the prayers. That means a lot, too. :)

  10. I'm so sorry Jessica! What a beautiful photo of you two-- how wonderful he could be with you on that day! Thinking of you & your family...

  11. This post stopped me in my tracks this morning. I can't imagine what you're going through at all. I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!

  12. I'm so sorry Jessica. I lost my dad very unexpectedly 2.5 years ago and I still feel like the wind got knocked out of me. I still wake up in the night crying, not as often as I used to, but sometimes. You never get over it, but it will get easier. Email me if you ever want to talk. Hugs.

  13. I am so so sorry to hear about your father's passing. I can't even imagine what you are going through. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  14. OMG Jessica, I don't know how I skipped this in my Reader. I am so sorry for your loss, there is just nothing anyone can say. You and your family are in my thoughts.