So yesterday I said “see ya later” to my husband, while he studies abroad. We didn’t say goodbye, because that has a real finality to it. So we just said “see you in a few months” instead. After he got on the plane, I went and had lunch with my mother-in-law, who was waiting on the other side of security. Honestly, I pretty much wanted to go home and be by myself, but it was nice to chat with her after seeing hubby leave.
Besides that, I also had a SLU young alumni function later that day that I really didn’t want to go to. I ended up going, because I figured I needed the social interaction while I was down in the dumps. After being out at the basketball tailgate for a bit, I bailed and went home to be by myself. Because? I wanted to wallow in my sadness.
You know how a good hard cry can just make you feel a million times better, when it’s a long time coming and it just has that cathartic feeling afterwards? I felt the same way about being home alone last night. Lots of friends had asked if I wanted to come over and hang out, go to dinner, go to the basketball game. But honestly? I just wanted to be alone. I was sad and I wanted to alone and wallow in that sadness.
I came home and changed into pjs, poured a huge glass of white zin and put on Downton Abbey and a bunch of other DVRed shows. I went through the backlog of my Google Reader, drank my wine and watched TV. Then I fell asleep on the couch. After dragging myself to bed for a good night’s sleep, I feel like a million bucks this morning.
I allowed myself to wallow in the sadness of my husband being gone for a bit, because I knew that’s what I needed. Had I just put aside the feelings and gone out or just forced myself to be happy, I would have dragged out the sadness of being alone.
But I only allowed myself to wallow for the day. One afternoon and evening of sadness was all I was going to give myself. Now, I’m doing laundry and cleaning the house, including removing an entire Christmas tree worth of needles from my carpet. Because those things need to get done. I’m done being sad – because I don’t have time to be sad anymore!
Had I not allowed the sadness to take over my day yesterday, it would have dragged out for weeks. But now I can be productive because I know that he’ll be back just a few months. I can keep myself busy for that long, right?