Sunday, January 8, 2012

Wallowing is a Good Thing, Sometimes

So yesterday I said “see ya later” to my husband, while he studies abroad. We didn’t say goodbye, because that has a real finality to it. So we just said “see you in a few months” instead. After he got on the plane, I went and had lunch with my mother-in-law, who was waiting on the other side of security. Honestly, I pretty much wanted to go home and be by myself, but it was nice to chat with her after seeing hubby leave.

Besides that, I also had a SLU young alumni function later that day that I really didn’t want to go to. I ended up going, because I figured I needed the social interaction while I was down in the dumps. After being out at the basketball tailgate for a bit, I bailed and went home to be by myself. Because? I wanted to wallow in my sadness.

You know how a good hard cry can just make you feel a million times better, when it’s a long time coming and it just has that cathartic feeling afterwards? I felt the same way about being home alone last night. Lots of friends had asked if I wanted to come over and hang out, go to dinner, go to the basketball game. But honestly? I just wanted to be alone. I was sad and I wanted to alone and wallow in that sadness.

I came home and changed into pjs, poured a huge glass of white zin and put on Downton Abbey and a bunch of other DVRed shows. I went through the backlog of my Google Reader, drank my wine and watched TV. Then I fell asleep on the couch. After dragging myself to bed for a good night’s sleep, I feel like a million bucks this morning.

I allowed myself to wallow in the sadness of my husband being gone for a bit, because I knew that’s what I needed. Had I just put aside the feelings and gone out or just forced myself to be happy, I would have dragged out the sadness of being alone.

But I only allowed myself to wallow for the day. One afternoon and evening of sadness was all I was going to give myself. Now, I’m doing laundry and cleaning the house, including removing an entire Christmas tree worth of needles from my carpet. Because those things need to get done. I’m done being sad – because I don’t have time to be sad anymore!

Had I not allowed the sadness to take over my day yesterday, it would have dragged out for weeks. But now I can be productive because I know that he’ll be back just a few months. I can keep myself busy for that long, right?


  1. I am totally with you. A good wallow is important. Especially if it has a specific duration, as yours did!

    You are going to be JUST FINE. It is going to suck, of course, but I think you'll find some pleasure in the solitude. And there's something to be said for missing someone you love so much.

    Okay, I am not trying to minimize your heartache here. Three months is nothing to shake a stick at. But it will be over before you know it! Hang in there!!

  2. Sending you hugs Jess. I'm glad you wallowed and got it all out, now to start planning all the good things you'll be able to get done while he's away! {I swear this house would be tip top shape if Dave & the kids went away for a bit! What I wouldn't give for a chance to clear out my Reader. Ha!}

  3. Having a good wallow or cry is really healthy! Both you and hubby are going to make the most of your time apart. Just keep thinking of the great reunion that you get to have in a few months!

  4. Sounds like it was just what you needed! Better to give in to it than try to run from it. That just makes it worse!

  5. Booo for husbands being gone! That really sucks, and I am not going to tell you it doesn't, But think of all the fun secret single behavior you can do for the next 3 months! Not to mention uninterupted TV time and a not feeling guilty for failing to shave your legs in the morning!!

  6. Good for you! I know from experience it's OK to wallow, and we all need to do it sometimes. I'm so glad to hear it helped!

  7. Good for you! I know from experience it's good to wallow sometimes...we all need it. Im glad to hear that it helped! I hope the time goes fast!